**
BREAKING: PAP’s 2025 Candidate List LEAKED!**
**
CASTING CALL FOR GE2025 LEAD ROLES:**
**1. The Scholar-Bao**
- Must have perfect A-levels
- Must owe government $2m bond
- Will play "humble grassroots leader" (despite elite boarding school background)
**2. The Retired General**
- Last posted to Mindef WhatsApp group
- Special skill: Calling constituents "soldiers"
- Automatically gets Sembawang GRC role
**3. The Ex-CEO of [Insert GLC Here]**
- Fluent in corporate jargon
- Will say "run government like company" 50x
- Somehow still can’t fix MRT breakdowns
**
BY THE NUMBERS:**
• 15/15 new candidates = former public sector
• 100% of them coincidentally PAP members since NS days
• 0% chance your RC chairman will help you hang WP poster
**
SUPPORTING CAST:**
• **The Angry Uncle** - "Last time LKY also like that one!"
• **The Keyboard Warrior** - *Posts criticism → deletes when POFMA comes*
• **The Neutral Civil Servant** - *wink wink*
**
OPPOSITION DIFFICULTY LEVEL:**
▢ Find candidates not scared of IRS audits
▢ Convince scholars to forfeit $2m bond
▢ Explain why they can’t use CC facilities
**
SINGAPOREANS REACT:**
"Very fair system! Like BTO ballot but for politics!" - **Scholar who got bond waived**
"Opposition should work harder... just not in my ministry" - **Permanent Secretary-turned-MP**
**
GOVERNMENT RESPONSE:**
"This is true meritocracy!
• Merit = must be scholar
• Merit = must be general
• Merit = must not ask about 377A repeal timing"
BREAKING: PAP’s 2025 Candidate List LEAKED!** **
CASTING CALL FOR GE2025 LEAD ROLES:** **1. The Scholar-Bao**
- Must have perfect A-levels
- Must owe government $2m bond
- Will play "humble grassroots leader" (despite elite boarding school background)
**2. The Retired General**
- Last posted to Mindef WhatsApp group
- Special skill: Calling constituents "soldiers"
- Automatically gets Sembawang GRC role
**3. The Ex-CEO of [Insert GLC Here]**
- Fluent in corporate jargon
- Will say "run government like company" 50x
- Somehow still can’t fix MRT breakdowns
**
BY THE NUMBERS:** • 15/15 new candidates = former public sector
• 100% of them coincidentally PAP members since NS days
• 0% chance your RC chairman will help you hang WP poster
**
SUPPORTING CAST:** • **The Angry Uncle** - "Last time LKY also like that one!"
• **The Keyboard Warrior** - *Posts criticism → deletes when POFMA comes*
• **The Neutral Civil Servant** - *wink wink*
**
OPPOSITION DIFFICULTY LEVEL:** ▢ Find candidates not scared of IRS audits
▢ Convince scholars to forfeit $2m bond
▢ Explain why they can’t use CC facilities
**
SINGAPOREANS REACT:** "Very fair system! Like BTO ballot but for politics!" - **Scholar who got bond waived**
"Opposition should work harder... just not in my ministry" - **Permanent Secretary-turned-MP**
**
GOVERNMENT RESPONSE:** "This is true meritocracy!
• Merit = must be scholar
• Merit = must be general
• Merit = must not ask about 377A repeal timing"